It’s been such a long time,I hope all of you are keeping well.There is so much to say,I don’t know where exactly to start.Firstly,thank you for continuing to follow me even when I went incognito over here.It means a lot.Also,some wonderful people nominated me for some wonderful awards.I want to thank them a lot too.
From sometime,I have been dealing with sudden changes.Some of them were really tiring.For over a month,I had to shift to an apartment with no internet because of renovation work going over at mine.That was also the time when I was highly stressed about finding a job.It gave me some sleepless nights,I have to say.Also,I had to deal with some issues at home.One thing I realized over the period is,everything,almost everything,is probably a test of your strength.Not knowing what you want to do with life,your loved ones getting sick,everything is defined by how you handle yourselves during those situations.
I would also want to stress upon the fact that your mental health is the most fragile thing in the world.You need to take care of it more than you take care of a glass bowl with your favourite dish that you’re carrying into the kitchen.We almost always take our mind for granted.Over the past few years,I have seen myself slowly slipping into a state of lack of interest about everything.I never paid attention to it.However,when it finally reached a stage where I could no longer decide if something is making me happy or sad,if I need to react or no and in what ways should I react,it gave me serious anxiety and panic attacks.
I really do not know how many people,chances,memories I let go because I couldn’t deal with what I am.From a person who got excited over every silly thing to a person who loves aesthetic quotes and amethyst rings,a lot has changed.If you ask me which version of me I love the most,I can’t answer that.I loved the me that was carefree but I also love the me that looks at everything with curiosity and brings some beautiful thoughts at night.Changes are constant.I feel if there ever is a me I have loathed,it is the me that found a hundred flaws to every good inside me.We start giving everybody’s opinions a green tick when we stop believing in our opinions about ourselves and change them according to others.I think I might be a weird person.My choices aren’t very mainstream or I don’t think I belong to a generation that can move on easily as a train moves on from stations to stations.At times,it is difficult because there is always pressure to be something that everyone is.
It is like you have to fill yourselves with different parts of everyone and hide what you actually thought,felt,possessed.Even if it is a whole new different,beautiful universe inside you.I think this pressure is always going to be there. Afterall that is how we humans think we are designed.To compare and compete till you die.However,we all have every right to decide whether we will let it affect us.I let it affect me for almost 5 years now.I gave up on so many things I wanted to do.But honestly,I am tired of that now.
I have realised that the only way out of this is to be what I am,which I no longer think is uncool.Even accept the flaws or accept the fact that I am not where I wanted to be.That does not make me incapable of following them again.You know what is uncool?Self Degradation.I know it is hard.I have been there.But there will come a time when you know that you are going to snap out of it.I would still prefer sitting at home with my favourite book than going to a party,but that will be because I love that ME time and not because I feel I will be judged.I will try my best to smile at people.One step at a time,because I think all of us are different and special and weird.And nobody ever said weird is ugly.Weird is beautiful.To be different in a world that believes in printing carbon copies,is wonderful.So don’t stop yourselves.The world needs you.
Whenever you feel like giving up,breathe in and imagine how many stories are you missing.Isn’t everything in life a story?Imagine how many universes you are missing.Imagine that one person who is waiting to enter your universe,that one book with empty pages waiting for you to spread your magic,that one place holding it’s breath in anticipation,waiting for you to smell it’s soil.As much as there is pain and helplessness in the world,there is also hope.Always.Find yourself,know yourself and open your wings.Be kind and stay calm.And remember that dreams don’t exist just for you to follow them in your head.