My Mind And Other Universes

It’s been such a long time,I hope all of you are keeping well.There is so much to say,I don’t know where exactly to start.Firstly,thank you for continuing to follow me even when I went incognito over here.It means a lot.Also,some wonderful people nominated me for some wonderful awards.I want to thank them a lot too.

From sometime,I have been dealing with sudden changes.Some of them were really tiring.For over a month,I had to shift to an apartment with no internet because of renovation work going over at mine.That was also the time when I was highly stressed about finding a job.It gave me some sleepless nights,I have to say.Also,I had to deal with some issues at home.One thing I realized over the period is,everything,almost everything,is probably a test of your strength.Not knowing what you want to do with life,your loved ones getting sick,everything is defined by how you handle yourselves during those situations.

I would also want to stress upon the fact that your mental health is the most fragile thing in the world.You need to take care of it more than you take care of a glass bowl with your favourite dish that you’re carrying into the kitchen.We almost always take our mind for granted.Over the past few years,I have seen myself slowly slipping into a state of lack of interest about everything.I never paid attention to it.However,when it finally reached a stage where I could no longer decide if something is making me happy or sad,if I need to react or no and in what ways should I react,it gave me serious anxiety and panic attacks.

I really do not know how many people,chances,memories I let go because I couldn’t deal with what I am.From a person who got excited over every silly thing to a person who loves aesthetic quotes and amethyst rings,a lot has changed.If you ask me which version of me I love the most,I can’t answer that.I loved the me that was carefree but I also love the me that looks at everything with curiosity and brings some beautiful thoughts at night.Changes are constant.I feel if there ever is a me I have loathed,it is the me that found a hundred flaws to every good inside me.We start giving everybody’s opinions a green tick when we stop believing in our opinions about ourselves and change them according to others.I think I might be a weird person.My choices aren’t very mainstream or I don’t think I belong to a generation that can move on easily as a train moves on from stations to stations.At times,it is difficult because there is always pressure to be something that everyone is.

It is like you have to fill yourselves with different parts of everyone and hide what you actually thought,felt,possessed.Even if it is a whole new different,beautiful universe inside you.I think this pressure is always going to be there. Afterall that is how we humans think we are designed.To compare and compete till you die.However,we all have every right to decide whether we will let it affect us.I let it affect me for almost 5 years now.I gave up on so many things I wanted to do.But honestly,I am tired of that now.

I have realised that the only way out of this is to be what I am,which I no longer think is uncool.Even accept the flaws or accept the fact that I am not where I wanted to be.That does not make me incapable of following them again.You know what is uncool?Self Degradation.I know it is hard.I have been there.But there will come a time when you know that you are going to snap out of it.I would still prefer sitting at home with my favourite book than going to a party,but that will be because I love that ME time and not because I feel I will be judged.I will try my best to smile at people.One step at a time,because I think all of us are different and special and weird.And nobody ever said weird is ugly.Weird is beautiful.To be different in a world that believes in printing carbon copies,is wonderful.So don’t stop yourselves.The world needs you.

Whenever you feel like giving up,breathe in and imagine how many stories are you missing.Isn’t everything in life a story?Imagine how many universes you are missing.Imagine that one person who is waiting to enter your universe,that one book with empty pages waiting for you to spread your magic,that one place holding it’s breath in anticipation,waiting for you to smell it’s soil.As much as there is pain and helplessness in the world,there is also hope.Always.Find yourself,know yourself and open your wings.Be kind and stay calm.And remember that dreams don’t exist just for you to follow them in your head.

What is love to you?

To be able to smile at the end of the day no matter how hard it was, to be able to chart out brighter events in your mind regardless of how times are now, to be able to breathe out when polluted by nagging thoughts,to be able to go on with life with the power of a hug and a kiss, to hold hands and pull each other up, to fight and make up, to watch late night horror movies and scream together, to blush when winter comes and noses touch, to be there during the storm and during the calm, for each other, by each other.

This was what I wrote down when I asked myself the same question I am going to ask you. What is love to you?

Love is one thing among many things I have been fascinated with for a long time. Honestly, I am not much to talk about love. However I do know that love is not easy and so it’s beautiful. I wouldn’t be able to differentiate between an infatuation and love or even just attraction if I had asked myself the same thing two years back. I was pretty naive.But as they say,alot can change in two years. I don’t think I can say I have figured out love. I don’t think love is something you figure out. Your perspective of love changes as you grow up, I guess.

I have read many books on love, watched many movies on love. I have discovered all kinds of love in there. Some of them I could imagine myself in. Some I couldn’t. Life is nothing like the stories you read yet it is everything like the stories you read. It is a beautiful contradiction. I am not a person who has experienced many kinds of love but if you were to ask me what love is to me,apart from everything I started this post with,I would say a feeling of being free.

If there is a love out there that makes me feel like whatever is strange or weird about me is nothing to be ashamed of,if there is a love out there that makes me explore what I am in ways I never knew,if there is a love out there that makes me fall in love with myself and life like I haven’t ever felt before,I would really love to fall completely,blindly in love with a love like that. This has been a topic that I always mess up explaining but I always try to explain because everybody deserves a love that makes you feel like your heart has been colored rainbow. I promised myself I will never settle for anything that does not give me peace. I agree that love is not flawless.It is flawed.Very much.However,as much as it is flawed,I believe it is what helps you embrace your flaws.You and I do not deserve less.

I have been in love with the rain,dark skies,thunder,the smell of earth before water pours down the clouds,the woods and many other things.Here’s to hoping someday I meet a human who loves them as intensely as I do.And then when we lie down on a corn field counting stars,I will tell him how I wrote this down.So,what is love to you?

How I lost my heart to Murakami and talking cats!

Anybody who loves reading and is familiar with Japanese writer Haruki Murakami knows that he has written some really magical and poetic stories.My entry into the Murakami fan club was recent.I came across some really beautiful quotes from his books and so I ended up purchasing Kafka On The Shore,one of Murakami’s most famous works which is a favourite among many readers.

I had no idea that I would be entering a world which is vivid and dreamlike and amazing in so many ways.I have heard there are certain elements which are constant in all Murakami books.Cats,for instance.I share a similar love for cats as the writer does so it was an enthralling experience to come across a lot of them.This is a story of 15 year old Kafka Tamura who runs away from home and Nakata,an old man who has a special ability to converse with cats and is strangely drawn towards Kafka.This is their journey and the story of their paths converging.I am on the 200th page and I am awed.Everytime I close the book,I feel like I came back from some other era,some other land.It is a brilliant world that Murakami has created where you will witness cats that can talk,fish raining down on people and characters that will stay on your mind for a long long time.

As I already mentioned,I loved every bit of the 200 pages I read.I am pretty sure I am going to love the rest.If you love books,make sure you do not miss this masterpiece by a master story-teller.Also,oh yes,HERE’S TO MY FIRST POST!CHEERS!As a parting gift,here is a beautiful quote from Kafka On The Shore:

Silence,I discover,is something you can actually hear.